Karen Restivo
In Other Words....
Human beings exhibit a wide range of information about themselves without ever opening their mouths.
Body language and behaviors are the slippery slope we find ourselves in if others can predict patterns in our behavior.
Surely, it’s not that obvious when we work so hard to display a certain image on social media that depicts all things in life are slap happy for us.
Think again.
I’m referring to Attachment Theory.
Psychologist John Bowlby introduced this concept in the 1900s.
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, let me give you an idea of what rabbit hole we’re about to go down.
Prevention.com highlights Author Kayla Blanton in her article, What to Know about Attachment Styles, according to a Therapist.
Blanton reached for a national board-certified counselor, therapist and author Juliet Lam Kuehnle to define Attachment Theory, “In essence, attachment theory explores how the fulfillment (or lack thereof) of a child’s needs affects a person and their relationships for the rest of their lives,” says Kuehnle.
“We are wired to connect with others and so, as infants, as we seek safety, security, and connection from our caregivers, we learn how to relate, what we can expect, and we form a concept of self in relation to all of this.”
Grab something to drink and get comfortable while Kuehnle goes over the Attachment Styles:
Secure attachment - Simply put, those with secure attachment styles experienced healthy relationships with their caregivers.
More specifically, they felt seen and consoled amidst adversity.
“If caregivers were available consistently and warmly and the child felt valued, secure, and validated, the child is more likely to feel secure attachment and grow up to have healthier and reciprocal relationships.”
Ambivalent or anxious attachment (insecure) - This style builds from inconsistent caregiving, where guardians are present for a child at times and not at others.
Those with anxious attachment “may be more likely to be codependent in relationships and feel responsibility for others’ feelings.
They tend to worry about the person they’re in a relationship with abandoning them or they need a lot of reassurance to truly feel connected.”
Avoidant attachment (insecure) - “Avoidant attachment speaks for itself - it’s a product of a caregiver who was ‘distant, unavailable, or neglectful, which results in a child avoiding closeness to not only said caregiver, but in most meaningful relationships.
These people may grow up to believe they need to be fiercely independent, because they can’t rely on, or trust, others.”
Disorganized attachment (insecure) - “Disorganized attachment refers to children who didn’t fall into the former styles by exhibiting a mixture of anxious and avoidant tendencies.
“It was deduced that those behaviors stemmed from childhood abuse, neglect or trauma. ‘These children, who were fearful of their parents, may be more likely to have relationships that are quite unpredictable and dysregulated.’”
Personally, I’m grateful someone took the time to breakdown the styles found in our parents, ourselves, our spouses, or our children.
Individuals may instantly recognize the attachment styles of their parents in the above descriptions or have an inkling what style they fall into.
In other words, if Attachment Styles interest you, take time to do your own research.
Don’t be surprised if you find yourself in between two styles.
There are no absolutes, just guideposts offering a better understanding to your own self-awareness.
Karenrestivo57@gmail.com