Karen Restivo
In Other Words....
I enjoy using the analogy of a play to discuss issues about the first half and the second half of our lives.
The first act introduces the story or theme of the production.
The audience is given necessary facts and background on the characters involved in the plot with special attention to the good guy (protagonist) versus the bad guy (antagonist).
Conflict readily ensues as the audience is drawn into the story.
The second act takes the reigns as the story charges toward the pivotal moment (climax) when decisions and discoveries are revealed to the audience signaling the end of the production.
As important as the first act of the play is, when we’re garnering information and forming judgments about the characters, the second act holds pearls of wisdom revealing details of the story’s resolution.
Both acts in the play are essential, but neither can stand on its own.
The first half of our lives is spent searching for our identity.
Ironically, society and our families have clothed us in a vest of beliefs that were passed down to them.
We learned at a very early age that “I” makes me the center of the universe and that my beliefs are undisputable where every moment is divided between up and down, totally right or totally wrong, and with me or against me.
We continue to add our own belief patches to our vests signaling to others that we’ve got our act together and we’re the good guy.
In the process, we are more than ready to point out the faults and discretions of others based on our good judgment.
Sound familiar?
Popular spirituality author Richard Rohr writes about the two halves of our life in his book Falling Upward (A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life).
He likens the first half of life to building a container (identity) based on our material wants and needs fashioned after societal norms.
Some containers (identities) are extravagant, over-the-top, creative, sensible while others might be destructive, rebellious, and menacing.
Simply put, it’s the outer shell we create around ourselves.
Rohr says in the first half of life, “Dualistic thinking is the well-practiced pattern of knowing most things by comparison.
“And for some reason, once you compare or label things (that is, judge), you almost always conclude that one is good and the other is less good or even bad moving almost automatically into a pattern of up or down, black or white, gay or straight, good or bad.”
He continues, “It is the basic reason why the ‘stinking thinking’ of racism, sexism, classism, homophobia, religious imperialism, and prejudice of all kinds is so hard to overcome and lasted so long - even among nice people.”
Substance comes in the second half of life. Sometimes the shift happens during a crisis or tragic event where our lives are turned upside down brought on by the death of a friend or loved one, loss of a job, divorce, mother nature’s wrath etc. Suddenly we find it’s time as Rohr says, “To confront what must be confronted with even greater clarity and incisiveness.
“It is, in fact, the essential link between true contemplation and skillful action…your small and petty self is out of the way.” Enter substance!
The questions become: What are you really made of?
What substance lies within your container (identify)?
Reaching the second half of life is critical.
As Rohr says, “Unless you let the truth of life teach you on its own terms, unless you develop some concrete practice for recognizing and overcoming your dualistic mind, you will remain in the first half of life forever, as most of humanity has up to now.”
The majority of our growth comes from the many trials we deem as bad.
Many things we deem as good can create a slippery slope in suffering and addiction.
Rohr summarizes, “Whole people see and create wholeness where ever they go; split people see and create splits in everything and everybody.
“By the second half of life, we are meant to see in wholes; we get to the whole by falling down into the messy parts.”
Like the analogy of a Play, both the First Act and the Second Act complete the performance.
In other words, life is the same; we can stay stuck in the first half with our holding on tightly to our engrained beliefs or we can choose to move into our second half of life with an open mind and open-heart seeking purpose and resolution.
Karenrestivo57@gmail.com