Karen Restivo
In Other Words....
Alas, the holiday season is upon us.
Along with rolling out the holiday decorations, cheer, celebrations and merriment conjuring up all the warm and fuzzy emotions, comes the less than fond memories of Uncle Harry or Aunt Audrey’s unsolicited, never-ending criticism and advice.
Even when you come armed with Zen-practiced tolerance and forgiveness, the stealth, heart-piercing missiles evade preparatory defenses homing in on the most vulnerable part of the Achilles heel- your ego.
Time slows as the deafening remark about your weight, your receding hairline, job loss or your political affiliation lands at ground zero.
Without the adjective constructive, criticism can open a flood gate of anger and defensiveness toward family members likely seen at one of the most impactful times of the year - the holidays.
Before you close shop and swear off any future holiday events, let’s review a few options on how to handle critical people and sidestep rage-induced arguments.
Dr. Ashley Brummett, author of Coping with Unnecessary Family Stress During the Holidays, shares some practical, research-supported tips on how to cope with family stress during the upcoming holidays:
Understand Your Triggers. The holiday season often brings a mix of joy and stress, especially when it involves complex family dynamics.
Recognizing what tends to trigger negative emotions—whether it’s certain conversations, behaviors, or even specific family members—can help you prepare.
By anticipating triggers ahead of time, you can mentally rehearse how to handle these situations either by using de-escalation techniques or setting healthy boundaries.
Prepare, Prepare, Prepare. Before the holiday season kicks into full gear, brace yourself for the inevitability of family tensions.
This may include reminding yourself why it’s important to prioritize your mental health and well-being.
Whether it’s heated political discussions, comments about your life choices, or anything else, having a plan for coping with each situation will help you stay grounded during gatherings.
Create a Support System. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who uplift you and respect your boundaries.
Have an Exit Strategy. Give yourself permission to decline invitations that may put undue pressure on you. If you do attend, set a time limit for how long you will stay.
Practice Saying No. Family members may have expectations for how you spend your time or even pressure you into uncomfortable situations.
It’s important to practice saying no. No is a complete sentence. Setting boundaries doesn’t require you to explain or justify your decisions.
Shift to Positive. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you connect with others in meaningful ways.
Whether it’s sharing stories, helping with meal prep, or participating in fun holiday traditions focusing on the good can help buffer family stress.
Engage in Self-care. Holidays can be emotionally taxing, so make time for self-care.
Reflect and Recharge. Celebrate your small victories, whether it’s walking away from a tense situation or maintaining your emotional balance.
Seek Support if needed. If the family stress feels too overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek professional support.
In other words, Dr. Brummett reminds us that managing family stress during the holidays doesn’t mean missing out on the joy of the season.
Take care of your well-being first and let that guide you through the festivities.
Karenrestivo57@gmail.com