Karen Restivo
In Other Words....
There’s power in the thoughts you think and the words you speak. Just as important as the way you present yourself through showing respect to others, engaging good manners or your attention to how you dress, self-image is the body language that speaks volumes to those you come in contact without even uttering a word.
I had the most enjoyable client cross my threshold several years ago.
This teen’s dilemma was trying to figure out how to fit in by being himself around his peers and more importantly figure out why it was so easy for everyone.
I offered him entry into the ‘cone of confidentiality’ and assured him they had not completely figured it out; in fact, they were moving through the maze of teenage angst exactly as he found himself navigating feeling certain he missed the memo with directions.
To avoid confusion, I’ll refer to my client by the pseudo name of Hank.
Hank wasn’t a shy teenager averting any attempt to be in the spotlight.
He described his scenario as a light switch turned off feeling left behind and watching everyone else reach the next level socially in high school.
He had enough of the eye rolling when he would attempt to join a conversation.
I told him exactly what he needed to level up like everyone else and that was tweaking his vocabulary. (Yes, his dull response was like yours.)
I’ve touched on the topic of beliefs before.
When I asked Hank if he believed he didn’t fit in, he said yes. There in lies the culprit.
The brain is the supercomputer of our body.
It controls everything we think, feel, do and remember.
Unfortunately, it didn’t come equipped with an instruction manual. As intelligent as the brain is, it defaults to illustrating to you what matches your beliefs. The part of the brain I’m referring to is the RAS Reticular Activating System.
We all come with a RAS system; however, exact information isn’t matched identically with everyone else because everyone has their own set of belief systems.
The solution for Hank was to change his belief about fitting in with his peers.
His response was immediate, “But I don’t.” I responded with, “But you will.”
On Instagram, I’ll cue @theboldbougiehippie to take it from here to explain her six secrets to changing your reality:
Your brain filters millions of bits of information daily. If you believe money is hard, you’ll see evidence of hard.
If you believe opportunities are everywhere, you’ll see them everywhere. Same world. Different filters. Different life.
Ask a Better Question Instantly- when something bad happens, your brain asks, “Why does this always happen to me?” Instead ask, “What’s the gift here?” Or “How is this happening for me?” Ask better questions.
Find Three Positive Things Right Now. Train your perception daily.
Look around and find three things going right in this moment - a roof over your head, air in your lungs. Perception is trainable.
Reframe the Story within 60 Seconds. Every event is neutral until you assign meaning.
Lost the client? “Space for a better one.” Got rejected? “Redirection to something aligned.”
Look for Evidence of What you Want. Most people look for evidence of their fears.
Flip it. Spend 5 minutes daily actively looking for proof that abundance exists, that people succeed, that good things happen. You will find what you look for.
Change the Label Change the Experience. Words shape perception. “Problem” becomes “puzzle.” “Failure” becomes “lesson.” “Hard becomes “growth.” Watch how your experience of them shifts.
In other words, what you say to yourself internally is just as important as the words you say to others (peers).
If your peers seem knowledgeable about certain topics, catch yourself up on the latest.
But if you want to level up and assume a leadership position, don’t seek out the latest gossip or rumors, offer something that requires a brain with an enhanced vocabulary. Hank did!
Karenrestivo57@gmail.com