I know I can’t see you out there in the real world unless we run into each other but I’d like you to indulge me for a moment.
By a show of hands, who amongst our readership has been personally victimized by a kitchen appliance?
Now, I’m not even talking about an electric appliance here.
After all an electric appliance makes sense since it’s powered by something other than the human hand.
In situations like that, your control is reduced to the bare minimum and it’s very easy to have a malfunction that can either come from a fatal flaw in the machine itself or some human interaction catastrophe.
No, I’ve honestly been victimized more by two appliances as of late – the manual can opener and the mandoline slicer.
I don’t know or understand how some folks have can openers that have been passed down in families for generations or find some antique somewhere that still works.
It’s prompted discussions on the care and treatment of our can openers but nothing practical or actionable has ever come of it.
To put it in perspective – we’ve had three can openers meet their ultimate demise since we moved to this house.
And that even includes the one I had specifically won during my 2006 Project Graduation party!
The one we have on hand now is getting to the point where it refuses to stay in alignment to do its job and keeps “jumping” over the edge of the can.
In fact, I probably spend more time cursing the can opener than actually getting it to perform correctly on the first try.
It’s to the point that I’m researching a new alternative in preparation for the day when I just throw it in the trash!
As for the mandoline slicer – my brother DJ still holds the record for worst injury, but I’m the top earner in the “minor injury” category.
DJ’s experience was so memorable that we named the mandoline “The Mangler” in honor of his injury.
He should have gone to the emergency room for stitches but had me violate several cardinal wound care rules and had me just use Liquid Bandage on his hand.
If you’ve never seen or used a mandoline slicer, it juliennes in several widths and thicknesses while it also makes slices, waffle cuts, crinkle cuts, and dice firm vegetables and fruits.
And even though most mandolines come standard with finger guards for protection during use – I’m horrible at remembering to use them when I’m in a rush.
As I mentioned before, human error is a flaw and I own up to my failings here.
That being said, if the slicer had come with something easier to wield like a cut-resistant glove rather than the usual finger guard, I might not have incurred so many injuries in the short six months we’ve owned this slicer.
And I’m talking about a high-grade cut-resistant glove!
The weak cotton one we had on hand unraveled far quicker than my patience could handle – so I’m researching options on Amazon and other retailers to hopefully avoid another mishap in the future.
After all, my career relies heavily on what my hands can do, and when I’ve managed to skim my fingertips along a mandoline slicer the wrong way my immediate concern isn’t if I’m bleeding – it’s already past that point and working on how to write articles for the paper without being in too much pain.
