‘Closure’

   The term closure has a connotation of bringing things to an end or finality. 
  Subconsciously, we may not realize how often closure occurs in our daily life. 
  For instance, we might find ourselves coming to the end of a school year, prolonging the completion of the last chapter in an enjoyable book, or avoiding closure of friendships, family and personal relationships that have unraveled over the years, not for reasons of malice, but a matter of simply growing apart. 
  Unlike the book on our bedside table, we tend to put relationships or beliefs in a holding pattern with the plan of one day engaging or dismantling it. 
  It’s like working on a computer document with feelings of uncertainty about an aspect of the article, and deciding to highlight something, clicking “cut”, but never bothering to paste it or delete it to complete the task.
  The document is incomplete.  
  Yes, I’m referring to limbo.
  This predicament holds us in the past and obstructs the path of moving into the future. 
  Author Abigail Brenner writes in her Psychology Today article 5 Ways to Find Closure from the Past, “The ending of a significant piece of one’s life - a relationship, a job, a stage of life, or a way of thinking - may be difficult and even painful for many of us. 
  “Something that you once counted on as very important to your life is over and done.  
  “Closure describes the ability to go beyond imposed limitations in order to find different possibilities.” 
  Below are Brenner’s five essential steps to find closure from the past:
  1. Take full responsibility for yourself. 
  It’s ultimately up to you to take the necessary actions to help move you forward. Create a self-dialog questioning why you are holding on to something or whether holding on truly makes you happy.
  2. Grieve the loss. 
  Take plenty of time to do this. 
  There is no set amount of time and no prescribed way; it’s totally up to each person to find that for themselves.
  Ignore anyone telling you to just “get over it,” and eventually set a reasonable timetable to draw your grief to a close. Regarding new relationships, “unfinished business” must be complete and resolved before you move on.
  3. Gather your strengths.  Focus on the positives.
  Make a list of your talents, gifts, and assets.
  Surround yourself with people who know you well, encourage and support you. 
  Shift the emphasis to what you need and what makes you happy. 
  Don’t worry about pleasing others.
  4. Plan for the immediate future. 
  Determine what’s most important for you moving forward.
  Reorder your priorities to allow you to explore different possibilities and opportunities that may present themselves to you.
  5. Create a ritual. 
  Believe it or not, performing a ritual is a powerful tool to help gain closure. 
  Beyond thinking and talking, and thinking and talking some more, ritual is driven by intention and action. 
  A symbolic enactment like verbalizing a new mantra while looking in a mirror allows you to utilize your creativity and intuition to bypass the intellectual, logical part of your brain.
  When looking for closure in a relationship, one example would be to collect all the meaningful items and objects, such as letters, pictures, etc. and performing a “fire ceremony” (safety first) to consume the past.  Though closure is a rocky, unstable and uncertain path, it allows you to move into your future, unencumbered and optimistic.
  Down the road, with time, Brenner notes, “Hopefully, you’ll find that when all is said and done, you will have learned something valuable from all of the significant events and people in your life - even if they didn’t work out the way you thought they would.” 
  In other words, you learn something about yourself, and recognize that life goes on and you are stronger because of the experiences of closure.
Karenrestivo57@gmail.com