Karen Restivo
In Other Words....
Thich Nhat Hanh was a Vietnamese Buddhist monk recognized as the “father of mindfulness” and a grand influencer in the Western world.
As a wordsmith, Nhat Hanh believed before engaging in conversation with one another, deep listening was key to sidestepping resistance while promoting interconnectedness within each other.
Let’s consider his use of enlightening stories as we find ourselves gathering for the Thanksgiving holidays.
“The Empty Boat”- A monk decides to meditate alone. Away from his monastery, he takes a boat and goes to the middle of the lake, closes his eyes and begins to meditate.
After a few hours of unperturbed silence, he suddenly feels the blow of another boat hitting his.
With his eyes still closed, he feels his anger rising and, when he opens his eyes, he is ready to shout at the boatman who dared to disturb his meditation.
But when he opened his eyes, saw that it was an empty boat, not tied up, floating in the middle of the lake…. At that moment, the monk achieves self-realization and understands that anger is within him; it simply needs to hit an external object to provoke it.
After that, whenever he meets someone who irritates or provokes his anger, he remembers - the other person is just an empty boat. (Anger is inside me.)
Rumi & Sufi Community member Nur Hidayu explains:
“The story of “The Empty Boat” is a Zen Buddhist parable that teaches the lesson of self-reflection and the importance of recognizing the source of one’s emotions.
It highlights the idea that anger is a feeling that arises from within, and that external events or circumstances only trigger it.
The monk’s realization that the boat was empty helped him understand that the cause of his anger was within himself, and not due to the actions of others.
The story serves as a reminder to look within and to recognize the role of one’s own thoughts and emotions in shaping our experiences.”
In other words, the only one we have control over during family gatherings is ourselves.
Even with a basic understanding of triggering and equipping ourselves with coping skills to alleviate over-reactivity, the emotion is welling up within us.
Wayne Dyer, a much-loved philosopher and motivational speaker spoke often about the ‘Analogy of an Orange.’
No matter how hard you squeeze it, orange juice is the only thing that will come out.
By extending the metaphor, Dyer would ask, (to paraphrase) “When someone squeezes you during a disagreement or says something offensive to you, what will come out of you?
“You may want to blame the person; but the reality is, your reaction reveals what’s inside of you.
“It’s the difference between being a fully functional human being or a victim.
“No matter what comes out of others, seek to preserve, grow and share the love within yourself.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Karenrestivo57@gmail.com