To the Editor,
America seems to be facing significant problems right now, and many people have shared their thoughts on the causes of this unrest.
Some attribute it to politics, arguing over which party is to blame, while others point to wars and rumors of war.
While I believe there is some truth to these claims, I think the one major issue in this country is
Plackers.
You know, those green mint-flavored sticks that have floss between the prongs.
You insert them between your teeth and wiggle them around a bit, and when you pull them out, you’re left with a disgusting mix of leftover food particles. It’s gross! You go through this process thirty-one more times, and all of that unsightly debris ends up in
the sink.
This happens daily!
It’s revolting. Your spouse is disgusted by it.
This can put you in a bad mood, and then you start to wonder if your coworkers can smell the remnants of all that horrible food on your breath.
So embarrassing.
Before long, the frustration spreads, and the whole country becomes angry because of these Plackers.
This leads to civil unrest, people acting irrationally, fights, murders, protests, and even impacts our highest levels of government.
Some celebrities have even left the country due to the fallout from these oral hygiene tools.
The stress in our society is simply too much.
So, you can see why our country is in such a troubled state.
My suggestion? I propose we boycott Plackers.
We could enact laws to protect ourselves from them.
I fully expect the House and Senate would vote unanimously to ban them since it’s in our national interest to put an end to this turmoil.
It’s our greatest need.
Now, if only I could find a way to get that mess out of my sink.
Next time, I’ll tell you about toothpaste.
Sincerely,
Garland Van Dyke
