"Hooray for rain, jury is out on squash gardens" by: Jessica Shepard

   Almost every time it rains, I get excited.
   And, even then, that only depends on what type of rain we’re getting.
   If it’s ferocious thunderstorms and borderline hail types of storms, I’m not a fan.
   But, slow or moderate thunderstorms are awesome and I find them also to be very relaxing.
   The only downside to that is when they happen during work hours and I can’t sneak off for a little nap.
   Or, I suppose if the power goes out or something.
   But, those sorts of things rarely happen.
   Rain also means that mom’s COVID-19 victory garden is sprouting up everywhere and there’s dozens of flowers and immature squash growing on the vine.
   Mom planted a variety of squash this year including zucchini, yellow squash, and those white UFO-looking kind.
   I actually had to Google those to find their proper name – Patty Pan squash.
   Apparently, there’s also pickling cucumbers out there as well.
   She mentioned some watermelon seeds, but I don’t think they’ve gotten planted yet.
   Still, squash season is shaping up and I’m not sure that I’ve recovered since the last “Great Squash Summer” of 2016.
   There’s only so much zucchini bread and squash casseroles that I can stomach.
   Even then mom disagrees and is practically skipping and dancing outside with excitement.
   Every time she notices a new squash growing, she has to run inside and tell us about their progress.
   And every time that happens I feel a bit squeamish inside and try to ignore her for the sake of my suddenly sensitive stomach.
   While I get that vegetables are important and part of a well-balanced diet, I can’t stand having to eat squash every day of the week!
Mom has promised me that it will be different this year, but, even then I don’t trust her.
   She’s just too happy and proud of her garden to possibly see straight.
   Or at least to see the sheer horror on my face when she mentions her squash making headway.
   Those updates have even eclipsed news about the bell peppers, jalapenos or tomatoes!
   Maybe there’s some way I can get a note from my doctor telling her I’m allergic to too much squash.
   If not, I’m at the end of my rope and definitely going to hide somewhere when she starts cooking squash for lunch and dinner.
   Maybe a squash bandit will swoop down in the middle of the night and save me from my fate by stealing all of those annoyingly gross gourds.
   Though I’m also hoping mom’s flock of chickens take it upon themselves to treat her garden as their own personal buffet and dig in often.
   I wonder how much trouble I can get into if I make a trail of pellets and corn out to the garden to lead the out there?
   I feel relatively safe and confident about telling you all such plans because I know mom doesn’t read my columns and have plenty of faith that no one will tell her.
   Except for Mike, but, he’s about as much of a fan of squash as I am, so, here’s to hoping he’s not going to tattle on me. 

Rate this article: 
No votes yet